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Context before the question:
In contemplating, there’re moments when I feel like I hit the wall. My experience is that I’m just here, I’m noticing the consistent cyclical drive to become different sensations and self-images, then I, as-if, “pull” my attention backwards or open it up and I’m just here staring, really intending to become conscious now, but I don’t. Then, after being massively concentrated and consistently intending for a while, I unconsciously conclude nothing happened and I go away into fantasies until I notice what I’m doing. But when I return my attention here, there’s a background belief that I won’t become conscious because I just tried and nothing happened. I end up solidifying myself in my body.
Question:
What to do when I hit the wall? I know the direct answer is that there’s nothing to do but to keep intending to become directly conscious, no strategy needed or anything. The thing is, there’s a part of me that doubts that if I just keep intending to become conscious now it will happen, when I conclude from previous experience that it does not. Should I rely on faith that I will get conscious? Or, how do I unbelieve this belief?
Eugenio,
This should help some. I the video I talk about the wall and other aspects of contemplation. Hopefully this will help you with your work.
Warmly,
Brendan