Brendan,
I had a question regarding self esteem- I notice I am easily influenced by people in general, often in a ineffective way, I think my conviction here is that since I really don’t know and other people seem to be functioning pretty well, I must pay heed to them. It’s like a thought of “I don’t know” and then feeling lost over it. Do you have any comments on this, to point out what I am overlooking?
Regarding Self Esteem
First I want to invite you to challenge the assumption that because you don’t know something, that it means you have to pay heed to others who seem to know. Maybe not. Try to drop the assumption and see what happens. However, I would also pay attention to others who seem to know more, especially if you are trying to learn from them. But it doesn’t mean you are less than another person if you know less than them.
As a young man I remember times where I didn’t have as much self esteem and that had a lot to do with how I thought of and viewed myself. Then you might ask, “Well how do I change myself or how I think of myself?” Which is a good question to ask. Go ahead.
Discovering Principles
As I got older, I was taught about and discovered some principles that have had the effect of raising my self esteem. Principles such as:
- Honesty
- Excellence
- Integrity
Here’s why they make a difference. In order to be really honest I have to be able to say what is true for me wether somebody else likes it or not. At first this can be a challenge but after awhile it has an effect of me being able to say something and have a greater acceptance of all the consequences and I am more able to, “stand on my own two feet.” I care less what other people think and am not as dominated by my internal world or my agenda. I have to be honest and with being honest comes being authentic and real.
With excellence, try this. Clean something and do an excellent job. When you are done, see how you feel about yourself. Or go to your work and do an excellent job, and again see how you feel about yourself at the end of the day. Do something good for somebody else and do it with excellence, not because you are driven to do it, but because you choose to, and again see how you view yourself. You will likely notice a rise in your self “esteem” or self worth.
About integrity. In this case it means your internal experience and outward expressions match. Integrity demands that you be honest about what you experience and you don’t hide or misrepresent yourself. If this is trained then your “self” will have integrity. When a “self” has integrity it is more powerful, functions better, and you will think of yourself as more whole and complete. This in turn will raise your self esteem.
How To Make Principles Real
With all of these principles, if they are trained enough, something interesting starts to happen. Much like a body builder who lifts weights for a long period, consistently, over time. A change starts to occur and the principles gain power and a life of their own, so to speak. One major byproduct of these principles will be an increase in self esteem. Since you will become more real, authentic, solid, and honest as a person and these are considered to be valuable traits. Your perceived inherent “worth” as a person will go up. The real trick however, is doing the work it takes to get there for yourself. Like I said earlier, it takes consistent work over a period of time to begin to experientially grasp these principles. Once grasped it appears that my desire to align with principles increases as I understand how powerful and freeing they really are. Good luck.
Much Love,
Brendan Lea
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