How Do I Deal With Failure?

Brendan,
I endeavored to keep this email as succinct as possible. However, I now believe that providing more comprehensive information is imperative to fully grasp the overall context. This necessitates a more extensive explanation, which may render understanding somewhat more challenging, but it is a necessary trade-off.

Initially, I engaged in various jobs and subsequently experimented with different business concepts to find my bearings, all while keeping the notion of generating income first in mind. This was aimed at attaining freedom, enhancing my professional skills, and eventually involving myself in more substantial ventures such as agencies or biotech firms.

Throughout this process, I constantly felt the pressure of time, as if I were racing to meet certain standards I had set for myself. This sense of urgency led me to prematurely abandon various business endeavors, culminating in the realization that I needed to operate directly at the source.

This realization translated into generating income directly, which was my primary goal from the outset. Initially, this involved arbitrage betting, and I have now transitioned to trading. I have pledged to persevere in this field, as altering the process or strategy at this juncture would be tantamount to compromising my integrity.

Before delving deeper, it is crucial to delineate the surrounding conditions. While I cannot definitively attribute this to cultural factors, and I refrain from making sweeping generalizations about groups of people, the environment I inhabit is often characterized by insecurity, dissatisfaction, pretentiousness, and a general sense of constriction. Low self-esteem appears to be prevalent. I possess a certain degree of empathy, often confusing their feelings with my own, which necessitates vigilance to avoid adopting similar behaviors. Additionally, I harbor negative memories of individuals who sought to impede my progress and possessed a scarcity mindset. Trading is often perceived as insubstantial and nebulous by many, given its reliance on probabilities and inherent uncertainties. This perception fosters risks such as subjectivity, cognitive biases, and gambling addiction. Consequently, it is imperative to gain access to all internal processes to mitigate these risks. I have incurred significant financial losses, having opted to work directly with real money to address the emotional-psychological aspect as swiftly as possible. Furthermore, this is not a reference one can readily showcase, hence I have essentially gone all-in with my entire existence. Each month, I invest a substantial amount of money, creating a situation where failure would result in hunger, thereby exerting pressure on myself. Additionally, I have ceased cutting my hair and shaving to increase this pressure, aiming to eliminate unnecessary social survival aspects and enhance my focus. I also grapple with issues of integrity, often exhibiting impatience and impulsiveness, which are detrimental to trading. I have managed to mitigate these traits to a significant extent and remain optimistic about completely overcoming them. Given the protracted nature of this journey, I sometimes unconsciously believe that I can influence reality through emotional outbursts like anger, akin to a child. This likely stems from the perception that my efforts have been futile thus far. This mindset leads to a form of lamentation and whining, which is exacerbated by the narrow-minded and conservative environment in which I reside. It feels as though I am 'resonating' with these individuals. I likely unconsciously recognize similar individuals through my perception, resulting in a negative feedback loop.

As you suggested, I believe the solution lies in understanding the mindset of individuals with a proactive, entrepreneurial outlook like Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin, Dan Pena, Alex Hormozi, Alex Becker, Peter Ralston, etc. While I do not wish to belittle my own mindset, as I am already quite detached, I still lack insights regarding personal responsibility in the sense of recognizing that I create all my experiences. I understand that you require more details to provide more precise feedback.

Moritz