Greetings!
I’ve encountered a strange predicament with wondering about “what” I am. I’ve contemplated “who am I,” and did not find anything there, other than what “I” say about myself (I am a person, I have a brain, etc.). The problem with this though is that whatever I say about myself doesn’t seem to actually reveal anything because all of that seems after the fact, since I have to be there before I can even say something about myself. Thus, it appears appropriate now to contemplate about what I am, since I don’t know what the essence of the “I” is, where anything related to “who” comes from.
Given this, here is where the confusion comes in. It’s clear to me that if I try to contemplate on what anything is, not just myself, I lose focus on the thing I am contemplating, because I feel the moment I do this, whatever I’m contemplating becomes conceptual, or perception, or after the fact it’s already there. It feels like if I can’t focus, I am not contemplating anymore.
Does anyone think there is there an efficient approach to continue the cycle of wondering going, rather than perhaps getting stuck at not knowing?
Here are a couple of videos that may help. First is an introduction to "contemplation" where I outline the contemplation components and explain how to do this. The other, you may have already seen is a video response to your above questions. I hope they both serve your work.